Mayhem by Estelle Laure Blog tour

Welcome to my stop of Mayhem blog tour!

A HUGE thanks to St. Martin’s Press for the chance to be part of this tour and to NetGalley for the free copy in exchange of an honest review.

TW: rape, violence, beating, drugs, physical and psychological abuse, murder, suicide

Mayhem knows there is something off and weird about her and her family, from the constant pull to water, to her mother Roxy’s mysterious physical pain. Mayhem and Roxy live a life made of lies and secrets, fear and hiding, but when her violent stepfather goes too far, they decided to come back to their family home in Santa Maria, California, a coastal beach town from where 13 years ago Roxy ran away.

What happened there 13 years ago? Ready to get some answers about herself, her family and put their painful past behind them, Mayhem finds herself involved with her aunt’s kids, in the search of a kidnapper, and discovering the magic that runs through the female lineage of her family and what that means for her.

Mayhem is a book full of strong female characters. Told by the main character, Mayhem and from diaries entries from her female ancestors that helps her (and the reader) learn things about the water, the magic and their destiny in Santa Maria, it’s a story about family, found and biological, love, vengeance, destiny, fate and justice. Mayhem is a strong character, strong-willed, curious and ready to change her life, when she decides enough is enough.

Running from her abusive stepfather, looking for answers and a new life, Mayhem discovers magical powers and a destiny that connects her to her family, through generations of strong and stubborn women. Helped by the fierce and brilliant aunt Elle, by her adoptive daughter Neve, full of fire and rage, by Jason and Kidd, the other adoptive brother and sister, Mayhem finds friendship, connections, love and justice and the strength to fight back.

I liked reading about Mayhem and her relationship with Neve, Jason and Kidd, finding her place with them in Santa Maria, with her aunt Elle and her mother’s old friends, Marcy and Boner and trying to become more confident and strong.

I liked the romantic part of the book, present but not able to overshadow her journey in finding her own place and power.

All characters have a painful past, from murders, to abuse, to loss, suicide and so on, but they find a way to fight back, above all through the powers granted by the water, discovering themselves not victims anymore.

It’s interesting reading about how Mayhem changes throughout the book, from a scared, but stubborn daughter, to a teenager more confident, rebellious and ready to do what it takes to not be a victim anymore. Her curiosity, her desire of fight back is beautiful and well written, even though I’d love to see more moral quandary about her whole destiny with the water and Santa Maria, the aspect addressed but left to the future and the choices she will made following her heart and not the water.

The vigilante justice, that Neve embraced so fully and with glee, is seen by Jason, Mayhem’s romantic interest, with difficulty and he refuses to accept his role in it, trying to protect his sister Kidd from the whole situation and regretting his deal with the water.

While Elle accepts with fierceness their roles against abusers and murders, the whole moral quandary is addressed by Jason and, even though briefly, by Mayhem, who struggles with her new identity, but she’s ready to become a new person, not more scared and a victim.

The water itself is almost a character, a it with a desire, able to compel them, to “force” them to follow its will and want, hurting those who try to stay away from it. It’s really peculiar and interesting, seeing as a force, a living thing, able to push and pull the characters in the book.

Her mother Roxy is a complex character. Grieving for her only love, lost 13 years ago, forced, convinced, manipulated by the circumstances into a marriage that became a living hell, her relationship with her daughter Mayhem is strong but codependent.

The fact the Mayhem refers to her as “Roxy” and not “Mum” or “Mother” suggests a codependancy, where usually is Mayhem the one who feels responsible and protective of her mother, sleeping and sticking with her and finding her own place, discovering what she wants to do, only in Santa Maria. The change of scenery force the two women to confront with their past and present, to fight back, to escape their painful past and trying to get a new life, away from memories and violence.

Roxy is seen through Mayhem’s eyes, so the reader is able to sense their love, connection, but also Mayhem’s bitterness, regarding her connection with Lyle, the abusive husband and the difficulty of having a mother who, because of the pain, physichological and physical, started to take meds and alcohol to “survive” and cope with the whole situation.

In Santa Maria, though, Roxy decides to change her life, being more present for Mayhem and her family, connecting herself again with her sister and their lineage.

As addressed while talking about the characters, Mayhem is full of strong messages, like finding your own family, found or biological, finding oneself, deciding to fight back, becoming more confident and refusing to stand back.

“It’s good to be an innocent,” Elle says. “Gives you restraint.”

How do I tell her I don’t want to be an innocent anymore? Innocents get hit. I want to hit back.

(quotes from the earc)

In a world where women struggle to be heard, to have justice and be respected, Mayhem is a supernatural feminist novel where women are able to hurt abusers, able to fight back, to protect themselves and their city. Vigilantes, with the ability to see and feel bad people and their action, the Brayburn family is almost a myth in Santa Maria, but cherished and feared at the same time by the inhabitants thanks to their actions and their protection.

Tired of being mistreated, of the inaction of the police, of the fear in the city, the Brayburn women, since discovering the cave and the water, decided to fight back, cleaning the world of bad people.

I loved the role of the women in this book, how strong, stubborn and beautiful they are, ready to protect their family, loved ones and the city, like superheroines, with mystical powers.

I really liked this book about vengeance, growing up, fighting back and a wonderfully and skillfully written feminist coming-of-age novel.

The book is full of complex and well rounded characters, the story is captivating and intriguing and I recommend this book to those who love strong female characters, mysticism, magic realism, a matriarchal destiny and abusers being punished.

Estelle Laure is a Vonnegut worshipper who believes in love and magic and the power of facing hard truths. She has a BA in Theater Arts from New Mexico State University and an MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults from Vermont College of Fine Arts, and thinks everyone should have to wait tables or work in a kitchen at least once in their lives. She lives in Taos, New Mexico with her children. (From Goodreads)

NOTE FROM THE AUHOR

Dear Reader,

Like Mayhem, I experienced a period of time when my life was extremely unstable. I can still remember what it was like to be shaken so hard I thought my head would come off, to watch the room vibrate, to feel unsafe in my own home, to never know what was coming around the next corner. I wanted to run. I always wanted to run.

I ran to friends, but also movies and books, and although girls were more passively portrayed in movies like TheLost Boysback then, that feeling of teenagers prowling the night, taking out bad people, being unbeatable . . . that got me through it.

I guess that’s what I tried to do here. I wanted girls who feel powerless to be able to imagine themselves invincible. And yes, I used a rape as the seed for that fierce lineage, not without thought. For me, there is nothing worse, and I like to think great power can rise up as a result of a devastating trespass.

Please know I took none of this lightly. Writing this now, my heart is beating hard and my throat is dry. This is the first time I not only really looked at my own past, the pain of loss, the pain of the loss of trust that comes when someone puts hands on you without permission, the pain of people dying, the shock of suicide, and put all of it to paper in a way that made me feel victorious, strong, and warrior-like. It is also terrifying. I know I’m not the only one who had a scary childhood, and

I know I’m not the only one who clings to stories as salve to smooth over burnt skin. I am so sick of girls and women being hurt. This was my way of taking my own vengeance and trying to access forgiveness.

Thank you for reading and for those of you who can relate, I see you and you are not alone.

Estelle Laure

Twitter: @starlaure

Instagram: @estellelaurebooks

War and speech by Don Zolidis FFBC blog tour

Welcome to my stop of the War and speech FFBC blog tour! Thank you for giving me this opportunity! An huge thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for this book.

Here’s my review! Let me know what do you think with likes and comments!

War and Speech

by Don Zolidis
Publisher: Little Brown
Release Date: May 5th 2020

Genre: Young Adult, Realistic Fiction

SYNOPSIS

Sydney Williams knows how to be a loser. After her father was sent to prison for tax fraud, Sydney failed most of her classes and she was forced to move in a small apartment with her now divorced mother, who can barely afford their rent with her job at the mall.

Sydney hopes going to Eaganville will be a fresh start, but in her new high school everything is different, dominated by the speech team, an elite group, and the whole administration support the winner philosophy.
Right away Sydney becomes friends with Lakshimi, Thomas and Elijah, the school misfits, discovering how each one of them was hurt, in one way or another, by the speech team and their cruel coach.

Determined to do something against them, they decided to make a plan and destroy the team and their toxic ideology and corrupt regime from within, infiltrating Sydney.

Slowly Sydney and her friends begin to erode the team, sowing discord between teammates, unveiling ugly truths about them and their lies, spreading jealousy and resentment, even with the help of one of them.
A, sometimes, easy task, since they are really competitive and determined to do anything to win, spurred by the winner-takes-all ideology their coach has and the bullying he perpetuates, largely overlooked by the principal and the whole administration, as long as the school keeps winning, even at the expense of people considered losers.
But when Sydney discovers she can actually win and take back the chance to go to college she lost because of her father’s mistakes, she’s conflicted. Will she go on with their plan or will she take the chance and win?

MY THOUGHTS

War and speech is a witty and funny book and I really liked it! The plot is skillfully written and the characters, from the main to the side ones, are complex, interesting and impossibile not to love and cheer on, above all for Sydney, the main character.

Sydney is a complex character, using her humor and wit to hide her pain and rage and determined to be someone, to do the right thing, to move on from the life she was used to. Sydney and her mother find their lives changed when Sydney’s father’s crimes were exposed and he went to jail, leaving them to pick up the pieces.

Sydney can be mean, witty, angry, upset and I love her bickering and attitude and how she learns to believe more in herself and her friends, to see the truth about her situation and confront her own anger. Reading her gaining confidence was really beautiful and empowering. I really liked her relationship with her friends and, above all, with Elijah. Her relationship with her mother and her mother’s boyfriend is another hilarious one, because it’s full of bickering and jokes and attitude.

It was interesting reading how Lakshimi, Thomas and Elijah are determined to make the speech team pay and I was really invested in Thomas’ revenge against Andrew and Lakshimi’s rescue mission for her sister. Thei plan was brilliant and so hilarious!

Reading War and speech was captivating and really funny and I loved how the author explored many important issues in this book, from the homophobia and bullying, to the winner-takes-all toxic ideology, to the stress and pressure the whole speach team experienced because of the coach’s bullying.

It explores, also, the socioecomic differences, that Sydney perceives from when she lived a wealthy life to be forced to live into a dingy apartment, struggling to pay rent and, also, the gaps she feels at school, between her and her classmates with their cars and houses and clothes and the opportunities that being more rich would and could mean for her future.

Overall War and speech is a very good story, with interesting characters and important themes explored, really well written. I recommend it to everyone who is looking for a laugh, while learning important things about friendship, self-confidence and relationships. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Don Zolidis grew up in Wisconsin, went to college in Minnesota, and is mostly known for being a really funny playwright. For the past five years, he’s been the most-produced playwright in American schools. His more than one hundred published plays have been performed tens of thousands of times, and have appeared in sixty-four different countries. He currently splits his time between New York and Texas, and has two adorable boys who will someday read this book and have a lot of questions. He aspires to owning a dog. His first novel was The Seven Torments of Amy and Craig.

EXTRACT

CHAPTER TEN

The Plan

Thomas leaned on the table and stared at me.

“You seem like a nice person,” he said. “Why would you want to do that?”

“Well, I had a peer counseling session with Logan, and he said I wasn’t hot enough for Speech and Debate, so—”

Lakshmi interrupted me. “Are you fucking kidding?!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You’re so hot. I would totally do you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

She laughed and raised her Chardonnay tipsily.

“I basically said I was the LeBron James of speech at my last school and that I was joining the team just to piss him off. I’m not gonna do it, guys. It was a joke. I have no idea what speech even is.”

Elijah nodded. “Logan sucks. They all suck. And it’s like—I was on the team, all right, the whole culture is toxic. And Coach Sparks is the worst; he’s like the boss demon in charge of it. He’s practically satanic.”

“Don’t get me started on him,” I said.

“You know him?”

Do I tell them? “I’m aware of his work. I’ve had encounters with him before.”

“Yeah, well, he’s the reason I quit. And he’s the reason I can’t . . .” He trailed off, biting his lip. “He ruins people, all right? I had a scholarship lined up with the U of M for next year—he called them up and they canceled it. He blackballed me.”

“He can do that?” I said.

“He runs the school. He’s more powerful than the principal. And if you cross him . . .”

Lakshmi set her glass down. “My little sister, Rani, is on the team.”

“Shit.”

“She’s JV this year, but she’s competitive, so she’s gonna be varsity eventually. And then she’s gonna like . . . turn into one of those sons-of-bitches.”

“The varsity squad,” said Elijah, “is the worst. They’re like seven Voldemorts.”

Thomas objected. “You can’t have seven Voldemorts. That doesn’t make any sense. They’re Death Eaters, at most.”

“They are fucking Voldemorts.”

“The entire term ‘Voldemorts’ is nonsense.”

“What about Andrew?”

“Okay, he’s a Voldemort, and everyone else is a Death Eater.”

“Fine, they’re supervillains, then. Like the Legion of Doom or the Sinister Seven.”

“The Sinister Seven isn’t a thing,” added Thomas.

Lakshmi slammed her fist on the table. “Can you two shut up and stop nerding out for a second? I don’t give a shit who they are, someone needs to take them out.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment.

“Like murder?” asked Elijah, hesitatingly.

“No!”

“’Cause Sydney’s dad probably knows a guy.”

“My dad’s in prison for tax evasion, he definitely does not know a guy.”

Lakshmi sighed. “No, I mean just—get him fired, destroy their grip on the school . . . something like that.”

“Man,” said Elijah. “I would pay good money to some other speech team to take them down. Just destroy them in open combat. Cheat if they have to. The whole varsity squad and Sparks.”

Silence descended on the table.

I cocked an eyebrow.

One person can ruin a whole team.

“No one can beat them from the outside,” I said. “But what if I could beat them from the inside?”

Lakshmi looked at me. “What are you talking about?”

“There’s no way,” said Elijah. “They’re better than you. Plus, they all do different events. How could you beat all of them?”

“No no no,” said Thomas. “I get it. You don’t have to beat all of them. You could just be the bad apple that spoils the bunch. They wouldn’t even know it was coming from you—the evil is inside the house.”

Tabb arrived at the table. “What’s up, peeps?” he said, and nodded his head ever so slightly. “Just wanted to let you know that I can give you the check at any time, and there’s no rush, but if you guys are done then—”

“We’re not done,” said Lakshmi. “I’m gonna get a bottle of wine.”

Tabb shook his head. “Look, guys, I know you think that you’re cool as hell or whatever—”

Lakshmi narrowed her eyes. “Tabb, I like you. But what if I told you that I was really seventeen and you had mistakenly served me alcohol because you couldn’t tell the difference between two Indian people? And furthermore, what if I went to your manager and said that you had served someone who was underage, even though you’ve been trained explicitly not to do that? How do you think that would reflect on you?”

Tabb’s mouth disappeared into a tiny slit. “What are your demands?” he said.

“First, I’m gonna need you to clear these plates. Then, we need a fresh paper tablecloth and some sharpened crayons. Finally, a dessert menu for everyone and a bottle of your house white.”

He locked eyes with her for a moment. “Very well, Najima.

WHERE TO BUY

AMAZON https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1368010075/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=theunoaddboof-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1368010075&linkId=e57c46c873a25a5f2d15cfed0eb0a56a

BARNES AND NOBLE https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/war-and-speech-don-zolidis/1133344206#/

BOOKDEPOSITORY https://www.bookdepository.com/book/9781368010078

My dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell ARC review

368 pages
Published TODAY
March 10th 2020 by Fourth Estate

I received this copy from Netgalley in exchange of an honest review and I thank you, 4th Estate and William Collins for accepting my request for this amazing book.

Here’s my review for this amazing book that comes out today!

Before reading it, though, here they are the trigger warnings.

TW:

rape, abuse, manipulation, suicide, victim blaming

PLOT

My dark Vanessa is an intense, heartbreaking and important book. It tells the story of Vanessa, a young woman who was abused by her English teacher at fifteen years old and the aftermath of her rape and their relationship.

The book is built in a peculiar way, swinging from 2001/2002, 2006 and 2017, between past and present, constructing the whole story. We get to know Vanessa as teenager, friendless and lonely in a boarding school, after losing her previous best friend and who finds herself attracted to and coerced by her new teacher, Jacob Strane into a sexual relationship.

MY THOUGHTS

Kate Elizabeth Russell wrote about this intense relationship between Vanessa and Strane that spanned years, decades, to the 2017, when a young woman accused Strane of abusing her, pushing and trying to get Vanessa involved. The involment of a journalist threaten to uncover the truth Vanessa is trying to deny and hide to herself.

The relationship between Vanessa and Strane is never romanticized and it’s really complex, because Strane manipulated Vanessa for years, blaming, threating and harassing her, above all when he feared she could tell someone the truth about what happened. The book is astounding and delicate and it’s clearly visible all the aftermath the abuse inflicted on Vanessa, who is in denial and almost until the end she refused to see herself as a victim of rape and to call the abuse rape.

The allegations against Strane in 2017 pushed her to revisit her life and childhood, her relationships with her parents and friends, her loneliness, her depression, and seeing and talking with her terapist and to the young woman who accused Strane helped her see the abuse in a new way.

During all her life, after the abuse, Vanessa is still attached to Strane, convincing herself to believe him, to consider all that as a love story, to having being loved and cherished. For years Vanessa talked and saw Strane, even after the boarding school, all the time him manipulating and using her, in a abusive and suffocating relationship. On point and hard to read her metaphors of being drowned and disconnected from her body, when he abused her.

“I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.”
“I know.” she says.
“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?” […] “It’s my life.” I say. “This has been my whole life”

It’s heartbreaking and interesting reading about Vanessa’s life and process to accept what happened to her and calling its true name, battling against her guilt and shame because she didn’t tell about him, didn’t stop him from hurting other girls. It’s fascinating seeing how Vanessa and Taylor saw the abuse, the first denying it and fooling herself for years, listening to her rapist and refusing to denouncing him and the latter seeing right away the man for what is was and denouncing him to the school, two times. It was difficult for Vanessa, because all her life, for years, Strane became a part of herself, almost infecting her.

“Ruby says it will take a while to truly changed, that I need to give myself a chance to see more of the world without him behind my eyes”

This book is really well written and I was heartbroken in so many parts, raging against Strane, wanting to shake Vanessa and so enraged when the school didn’t believe her, didn’t support Taylor, choosing not to pursue a true investigation, when in 2001 rumours about Strane and Vanessa circulated. It was incredibly frustrating reading about teachers and administration refusing to see the truth and to protect their students.

I will stop now my ranting, because I wanted to write and comment every pages, but I won’t. I’ll just say this book is a gem and it carries so many important message, like the relevance of therapy, of healing, of denouncing.

A solid 5 stars.

Wicked as you wish

ARC REVIEW

432 pages

Published March 3rd 2020 by Sourcebooks Fire

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange of an honest review. A huge thanks to SOURCEBOOKS fire for this!

TW:

Rin Chupeco’s book deals with issues like homophobia (against Alex and Loki’s fathers), racism, child abuse, abuse, bigotry, poltical stance on immigration, police (ICE agents) abuse of power.

THE PLOT

Tala Warnock is the descendant of Maria Makiling, a Filipine heroine able to negate spells and she lives in a world where magic is strictly controlled, a modern world where magic and techonology are both present and connected.

In Invierno, a boring town in Arizona, magic rarely works and thanks to her family’s ties to the country of Avalon (unreachable, frozen and bespelled for almost 12 years) they are chosen to protect and guard the heir of Avalon, Alexei, taking care of him against people and countries who want to exploit his kingdom’s magic for their cruel ends.

While both Tala and Alex try to have a normal life, going to school, to parties, trying to have boyfriends, their life are abruptly changed when the firebird, one of the Avalon’s deadliest weapon, appears to Alex and the Snow Queen, presumed dead, attacks him. They are forced to run, leaving the town, helped by Tala’s family, by the Bandersnatchers, a contingent of young people, teenagers, tasked to protect their heir.

On the run, in a kingdom she thought lost, Tala is confronted with family’s secrets, magic and the need and desire to protect her best friend and understand her own powers and story.

MY THOUGHTS

I really liked Wicked as you wish. In the beginning, to be honest, I found the worldbuilding a bit confusing, but while reading everything clicked and I found myself involved in this amazing story.

Set on a Earth where fairytales’ characters like Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire Cat, Arthur Pendragon and so on and where places like Avalon, Wonderland and Beira, the Snow Queen’s kingdom are real, the reader is pushed right away in a complex and captivating world.

It’s almost possible to divide the book in two parts, the first one, set in Invierno and the other one in Avalon. In the first part, the reader get to know Tala and Alex, their secrets, Tala’s being a spellbreaker, Alex being gay and closeted and the Avalon’s heir in a world not so different from our own, except for the magic.

The firebird, the Bandersnatchers, the Snow Queen change everything and Tala is separated from her family, with a friend to protect and she’s is forced to rely on herself and her new friends, in their attempt to reach Maidenkeep and to try to save their kingdom, but their trip is full of surprises. Ice wolves, secrets, frog marsh king, profecies, dooms and fights.

During the trip the reader, through Tala, get to know the Bandersnatchers, their bonds, friendship, families, powers and weapons and Avalon’s story. One of the things I loved the most are the characters. I loved the diversity in this book. Tala is biracial Filipino, Alex is gay, Loki is non-binary, Chinese-Canadian and was adopted by two men, Ken is from Japan.

Tala is smart, brilliant and determined and in a situation where she’s utterly unprepared, but where she’s eager to learn and fight. Betrayed, full of question, she’s focused on their mission, willing to do anything to protect her best friend and save Avalon.

The Bandersnatchers are amazing, I loved them so much. Zoe, who is the leader of the mission, is brilliant, sensible and weighed down by the responsiblity of protecting a stubborn and with attitude heir. West, whose family is naturalist, so doesn’t know many modern things, is funny, cute in his questions and he’s a Roughskin, a shapeshifter. (I laughed so much while reading him shredding his clothes and Zoe complaining about him being naked.)

Ken,with his magical swords and their hidden powers, is playful and funny. Loki, with their magical staff, is a ranger, resourceful and without them and their sense of direction, they would have been stuck in the forest forever. Cole with his scary scythe, his attitute and his secrets is the brooding type, but with his heart in the right place (I hope). And Nya, the latest addiction, full of surprise and ready to be part of their group and adventure. I want to know more about them, from Zoe and her boyfriend (and his bond with Alex), West’s shapeshifting, Ken’s explanations and joke, Loki and their fathers’ love and their powers.

I LOVED the firebird. Like the bantering between the Bandersnatchers, the firebird was unbelievably funny and I laughed so much reading the scene with it in it, like when he blew raspberry or rolled his eyes.

Alex is another interesting character, with a painful past. When he was five years old he saw his parents being killed and was saved and taken away from Avalon, before the frost hit the kingdom. He spent all his life hiding, running for his life, shuttled from one family to the other, until Tala’s family, who was forced, with the firebird’s arrival, to leave Invierno and run away. Coming back in his kingdom, destroyed, frozen and hurt by the Snow Queen and her vendetta is painful and for most of the book, in Avalon, Alex is rude, hurtful and full of lies and secrets, keeping himself away from Tala and the others. I hope he and Tala will find a way to be more honest around one other in the next book.

Complex are the “villains” in the story, like the Snow Queen, her story and past really interesting, like her vendetta and obsession and Ryker, who is a intruing character, his past and his reasons for his loyalty painful and raw to read. I liked Ryker, a lot, and I can’t wait to know more about them, their full and bigger plan.

Amazing are the side characters, like Tala’s family, Lumina and Kay, their love and relationship strong and inspiring, and Lola Urduja and Katipuneros, a group of old warriors, unbelievably tenacious and ready to do anything to protect their families and heir and the Cheshire, a mastermind.

Interesting and unique is the use of profecies and dooms, so important in this world that a certain kind of doom can get some priviliges. It was amazing trying to decode the Dame’s and the priestess’ predictions, while reading! Fascinating the magic and the concept it comes with a price, usually a physical one. Brilliant and funny are the chapter titles, like (In wich government agents are assholes, but what else is new or In which Loki uses a toothpick and Ken loses a fight with a library)!

TO SUM UP

Above all, I really loved this book. I loved how the author deals with important themes, like abuse, homophobia, racism in Wicked as you wish, talking about the political tension in their world, the power abuse, the countries’ stance on immigration and so on. At the same time it’s a journey of discovery, of trying to do the right thing, of protecting others, of taking back a kingdom, of learning things about others and oneself.

The characters are amazing, the story is full of mysteries, plot twists, fairytales characters and this mix of modern world and fairytales was amazing and funny. I can’t wait to know what will happen next.

from google images

Asperfell by Jamie Thomas

ARC review

430 pages
Expected publication: TODAY! February 18th 2020 by Uproar Books, LLC

I received this book from netgalley in exchange of an honest review.

POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD

I really loved reading Asperfell, this book is peculiar and the characters are intriguing and interesting.
Set in a world called Tiralaen, a sort of medioeval one, where magic is real and people who possessed it are called Mages, the story starts when the main character, Briony, is only eight years old. When the king is killed by his heir Elyan, a potent Mage, able to siphon other’s magic and use it, he’s condemned to walk through the Gate, a passage into another world and to be exiled in the Asperfell prison.

The Asperfell is an ancient prison, created hundreds of years ago, the only one capable to hold the Mages’ magic. With the king’s death and the new one’s growing paranoia about and violence against who possesses magic, the world of Tiralaen is turn upside down and where reigned violence, suspicion and deaths.

Briony’s life, a young and stubborn daughter from a prestigious and influential family is sheltered and she lived with her family, her sister Livia, parents and uncle in the capital, Iluviel, at the court, her days spent learning how to curtsy, to sew and to do the things women are supposed to learn. When she survived a bad illness, Briony and Livia are are sent away to their aunt. Kept safely away from the capital, where her parents and uncle advised their mad and violent king, Briony’s world is changed another time 10 years later, when soldiers accused her to be a Mage, bringing her to the capital and sentencing her to death. Helped to escape into the Asperfell world, Briony promised her friend Cyprias to bring back the only hope for her country: prince Elyan, sentenced there thirteen years ago.

Asperfell is not what she could have ever imagined, though and the prison, full of true criminals and of innocent people alike, is awash with secrets, about itself, Briony and the whole world too.

I loved reading about Briony. She’s such a strong and brave main character. Unlike her sister and the women of their time and world, Briony is wild, curious, brilliant and she refused to be a pretty wife or to gossip at court or to learn how to be a housewife, how to sew and so on. I admired her curiosity, her drive to know more about everything, her refusing to be passive and remissive. I liked her friendship with Cyprias’, her father’s spy and how she kept herself informed while with her aunt.

Briony is resilient. When she is saved and pushed in Asperfell her promise to save her kingdom and country is strong and even in a different and peculiar world, surrounded by dangers and criminals, she learned how to adapt and how to discover more about her power and the prison’s secrets. It was really interesting reading about all the kind of Mages and their magic, about Briony’s power, so peculiar. Her eagerness, her curiosity, her need to learn more about her magic, to compensate and balance from her being untrained collided with the person she’s sent to save and free, prince Elyan, who is rude, cynical and a really powerful Mage.

I love their interaction, how Briony is not a simpering subject and she stood her own ground against him, pushing him to not giving up hope for their freedom.
Elyan is a peculiar character, not the spoiled royal one could think he is. He’s rude and sarcastic and insufferable, irritating Briony with his attitude, but he’s a complex character, full of grief, pain and regret and, after being in that prison for so many years, his cynical side was brought forward. Briony’s eagerness and her scheming and plans overwhelmed him, crushing his reservations, or, at least, involving him into hoping for more. I really like their relationship, it’s really complex and not granted.

This book is full of interesting characters, like the Steward of Asperfell, Philomena and its Master Tiberius, Yralis, Phyra and Thaniel, who become Briony’s friends while she adapted and learned to care about her new home. I liked the riddles and mysteries of Asperfell and how some things were connected since the very beginning, with mulpiple twists and magical beings. It was really amazing learning everything about Briony’s world’s magic through her eyes and to follow her in her quest and journey.

Asperfell itself is an interesting place, where people learned to life, surrendering themselves to this exile, creating relationships and so on. It was peculiar reading about the Melancholy Revels, where past nobility is still grabbing at their illusion of power, even in prison and in exile. It was interesting reading about the power system, fueled by violence and power. I liked reading about Thaniel’s knights and the lower levels, too, the Sentinels and basically everything in this book.

In the author’s biography she says she wants “to smash the patriarchy one novel at a time, creating characters and worlds that inspire, empower and elevate women” and I have to say she’s done it really well with Asperfell.

The first book is amazing and Briony is an unconventional heroine, unconventional because as a woman, in her time, she did the opposite the world expected from her and it’s amazing and really inspiring.
I can’t wait to read more about her, Elyan, Phyra and the others and their journey towards home and country.

Let me know what do you think about my blog and reviews in the comment!

What kind of girl by Alyssa Sheinmel

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

Trigger warnings about self harm, bulimia, physical and physicological abuse, drug use

What kind of girl is a book about survivors, fighting, love, friendship and abuse. Told by multiple POVs, or I should write, different side of the same two person, the story is narrated by Maya and Junie, her best friend, during the time of one week.

It’s Monday when Maya goes to the principal office with a black eye, denouncing the golden boy of their high school, her boyfriend Mike. It’s her last straw. After three months of abuse, she says it’s enough. He has to stop.

After that the school divide in two parts. Who believe in Maya, rallying against her abuser and demanding the school board to expel him and who can’t side with her, asking why she waited to speak? Why did she stay with him?

Bit by bit the reader finds about the controlling nature of the track star, how Maya was scared of him, how she suffers from bulimia, how she couldn’t confide in her mother or best friend, how she sought the help of the school burn out, Hiram, finding solace and understanding in him.

Maya realizes her relationship with Mike, seeing it clearly, understanding all the times he pulled, pushed and pinched her, how he wanted to controll her.

At the same time the reader gets to know Juniper, Junie, Maya’s best friend, who struggles with anxiety and who finds release in cutting herself, who, without realizing fully, suffers from her parent’s expectations, above all her father, a human rights attorney, who pushed her to fight, to rally, without seeing her sufferings.

In just one week both of their lives are upset, pushing them to make decisions, to stand for themselves, to seek one other, to support each other.

It was interesting reading the two POVs and seeing all their facets. Maya is the girlfriend, the popular girl, the bulimic, the burn out, while June is the anxious girl, the cool girl, the activist, both of them struggling against pressure and expectations, both of them sick and confused.

I appreciate how the author wrote about Maya’s difficulty to talk, to accept her being a survivor, her being abused, her guilty about Mike’s future and scholarship, her confused feelings, her feeling guilty because she couldn’t talk, because controlled and scared. Her accepting this wasn’t her fault.

I appreciate Junie’s side, too, reading about her anxiety, her need to cut, her need to please her parents, to be controlled, to be cool, her fear that loved ones could think her a basket case, above all her parents, Maya and Tess.

I liked reading about Tess, how Junie decided to be open to her, be sincere about who she is and the open ending. I really loved the open ending. It wasn’t disappointing. I felt that, one way or another, I would have felt hurt or disappointed, but leaving it like that was really smart.

I liked this story, the writing style, it’s a quick read, even though the book is almost 400 pages, because the reader needs to know more, needs to know what happened, what happens, how the main characters will react to this or that and so on.

Compelling, interesting and captivating.

Let me know if you like my review, or if you would read this book.

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The God game by Danny Tobey

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

Publication: today! January 7 2020

CW: attempted suicide, violence, self harm, depression, blackmail

The God Game is the most peculiar, exciting and brilliant book I’ve read in a long time.
The writing is perfect, the characters well rounded and so real, so relatable (Alex and Charlie were really perfect) it hurts, the plot captivating and chilling.
Everything starts with a chatbot, the God game, that answer any kind of question, an AI that claims to be God and starts sending messages on Charlie’s and his friends’ phones, asking them to do something. It’s a game, a wild one where it controls everything, can access everything, from phones, to pc, to cameras and so on. It’s God, He sees and knows everything.
Intrigued by the ad, Charlie, Peter, Vanhi, Alex and Kenny decided to play this peculiar game, using their phone, accessing, in this way, a cool and peculiar virtual reality. The Game is simple. If you do well, you get Goldz and something good will happen in your life. If you do bad, you get Blaxx and more Blaxx you got more likely the player will be killed. And if someone dies in the game, dies in the real life. Skeptic and curious, Charlie and his friends decided to try the Game and they started doing quests, following instructions, running around the school at night, discovering it, through the virtual reality, full of mysteries, gods and quests to accept or to buy.
The game inspired by the religion is a wild one and day after day they each found caught up with missions and with the Game. From simple request to dangerous one, to lies and cover ups.

I loved many things about this book. The game itself is creepy, brilliant, controlling, managing to use its players like pawns, using them and turning them against one other. In a game where the difference between reality and virtual one is really slim, where they can’t trust anything electronic, the characters move and act, in a giant chessboard, without knowing exactly what’s the Game real goal, where are the others players, what will they do, what are the purposes of their missions. It rewards them if the player do what the Game asks and punish them otherwise. It’s a crescendo of missions, lies, revenge and so on, pushing and threatening them into doing things they wouldn’t have done, otherwise.

What I loved more about this book are its characters. I rarely read characters so real, authentic and raw. So multidimensional. So relatable and well constructed.
Charlie is a young man, who lost his mother to cancer and since her disease and death his life, his grades and relationship with his father is spiralling out of control. He feels resentment for his father, who fell apart when his wife got sick, basically leaving Charlie to do the caretaker and bearing his suffering alone.
Vanhi is a brilliant woman, a bass player, an Hindu girl who’s struggling against her parents’ expectations and their desire she will go to Harvard, hiding a bad grade and a paper forged from them.
Kenny is a cellist, the philosopher, from a very religious family and he too, like Vanhi, has to suffer his parents’ pressures to do better, to do perfectly.
Alex is a nihilist, a young man who is abused at home, depressed and lonely, bullied and feeling himself suicidal.
Peter is the golden boy of the situation, the rich one, the carefully hidden deranged one, doing drugs and dealing, with his absentee father and a mother who left him when he was young.
They found solace in their group, called the Vindicators, doing pranks, supporting each other and doing the Game, that tested their friendships, morals and lives.

Each one of this characters, the main ones, are beautifully written and I was able to feel their rage, pain and frustrations. What it impressed me was that the side characters were amazingly well rounded too. There aren’t sterotypes, like the girl to win over or the bad guy. We read about Mary, the perfect and beautiful girl, controlled and with a big secret to mantain. Kurt, violent henchman, with an homophobic father. Tim, violent and controlling, with his stealing father. There are no absolutely good or bad people in this book, but incredibly complex ones. Even Charlie and his friends nurture feelings that could hurt one other, like envy or bitterness or rage, raging against each other, hurting each other.
The Game, knowing everything about them and their dreams, manipulated them and everyone else in a big chessboard, moving pieces like it wants. Or He wants, according to the Game.

It was amazing reading about the augumented reality, seen through phones or glasses, reading about missions, packages, quests and it was disturbing and creepy see the characters being controlled more and more, until they try to quit the Game and be free. Reading they being so controlled and observed was suffocating and I felt their emotions, their warring thoughts.
I loved the characters in The God Game, because they were flawed and human. Charlie with his rage, Alex with his depression, Peter with his need to control everything, Kenny and Vanhi with their desires and family’s pressures. It was moving reading how Charlie was so lost after his mother’s death and how Peter, in his own, maybe debatable ways, was with him or how Charlie was so caught up in his own grief to not want to reach for Alex’s pain, favouring the carefree and unconcerned Peter. Or how Alex was so in pain to get involved so much in the Game, that used his suffering to manipulated him. Or Vanhi’s and Kenny’s ambitions, their fear of disappointing their parents, their need to do the right thing, to be honest.

This book put forward interesting and moral questions. If it someone or something offered me what I want, would I accepted it? Even if it hurt someone? Could I hurt someone to save someone else, maybe a loved one? Someone else’s pain is worth my friends’ or family’s lives or could I sacrife someone to save myself or my loved ones?
During all the book, from small and innocent missions, the characters found themselves debating moral choices, which path take. If someone is a bully he deserved to be hurt and humiliated? Can I ruin someone’s life to life mine better?
What will you do if your life isn’t yours to control anymore? If you didn’t ever have any control on it? What will you do when you’re so caught up in the Game and you can’t see any way out other than the worst one? And the Game, in his infinite power, manipulated, fooled and tricked all his gamers, until the ending, showing them the free will was a difficult thing to achieve, in The God Game, to be free from the Game itself.

Charlie and his friends grew in the book, I loved reading about their development, their choices, their desires, their healing each other. I loved their relationship, how they all are so fallible, human, torn between doing the right thing and follow their desires, their selfishness.

Besides pushing the reader to think about moral choices, grey areas and religion, it’s a book about friendship and relationship, mostly between fathers and sons, from the complex and incredibly frustrating one with Alex and his father to Charlie and his dad.
About friendship, because it was absolutely moving reading they going to the great lenght to save and protect each other, notwithstanding their small fights and misunderstanding.
It was a book that gave me hope, because its characters, even though they are hurt and flawed and will do mistakes in the future, go towards a path of growth, forgiveness, another chance to liberation, like one of the character say.
That things may seems bleak and awful, but you could go on, pick yourself up, glue the pieces together again and try to be better, to try again and harder. Not alone, of course. With friends, family and help.

This book is absolutely brilliant, pushing the reader to ask questions, to seek answers, to be moved by friendship and love
And, to be honest, to fear how far the technology, any AI, could go and do.
An excellent read. A 5 solid star. Danny Tobey’s writing style is enthralling and his characters are alive and pulsing with life and choices.

“I’m a guinea pig in a fucking morality play that stops when I’m dead?”

His mind was a house of pain, all exits locked.